During the week, my boyfriend and I don't get to do much together since we are both working crazy hours. The little time we do spend together we do something that does not require a lot of physical activity. Yesterday we have seen a movie "Elizabeth, The Golden Age".
Queen Elizabeth was also known as a "Virgin Queen". Although the name is self explanatory, she indeed was a virgin, she never married and she was the last monarch of her dynasty and was known by what is considered the greatest military win in British history when she defeated the Spanish armada in 1588. Elizabeth claimed that she was married to her "people" and she was focused on serving her nation, especially in the fields of art, drama and seafaring prowess of English adventurers.
The movie reminded me on the conversation I had with one of my Turkish friends as we were returning back to University from clubbing in the City, and I remembered how shocked (although tired and partially intoxicated) I was by his views on sex and relationship. I do not remember how this conversation came about. It might have been his unsuccessful attempt of flirting with me or even just a conversation starter.
What I do remember though is that I was absolutely flabbergasted when I found out that he was dating a women and having sex with her but was expecting to marry a virgin. Also, he claimed to prefer a women he was currently sleeping with as well as the one he chooses to marry later to be of a Turkish origin.
Logically, my train of thought was following ....if all the Turkish man are having sex before the marriage, and all the Turkish women are waiting to get married to have sex, who are the Turkish man having sex with?
Are they traveling internationally to satisfy their "manly needs" or is there a divide between the women in Turkey that are virgins, and those that are "sinners" and having sex prior to marriage with no chance of "tying the not".
Next, I had a conversation on a similar topic with my boyfriend. We were discussing if it is expected from a women in today's society to take her husbands last name or not. Even though very liberal, my boyfriend seems to prefer to marry a women who will take his name and start all over, identity wise. I felt as if he hit me over the head with the bat and dragged me to his cave, until he saw my facial expression and listened to my arguments, than he decided to support "who ever the lucky one to marry him will be" and go with whatever she decides to do, my boyfriend is very smart, he picks his battles.
Personally, I believe that taking your significant others name upon marrying him is a "tradition", but it is a very detrimental one. The women who decides to do that could potentially confuse/loose her business connections, reputation and all the other accomplishments she did under her maiden name. It might not seem like to big of a sacrifice to make for the one you love but in this day and age it is not needed anymore.
Women should be able to keep their maiden name without feeling guilty or not loving enough to their husbands or boyfriends. The same thing works with the issue of splitting the inheritance among children after parents pass away and male successors.
In some cultures (read Eastern European Cultures) male child is still considered the only legitimate successor of his parents heritage. This "tradition" is absolutely wrong, and leads to development of generation of women with low self esteem and no desire to grow and become somebody, as all of their dream are shattered by what is genetically determined by whether sperm from their father supplied an X or Y chromosome to their mothers egg cell.
A matter like that should not be an issue anymore, one would think that after burning our bras,voting, getting higher education as well as multitasking and managing successful careers and family life women should not have to defend their freedom of choice anymore, or are there more uncivilized wild man left hiding in their caves?
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